everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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