You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Welp...herpes.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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