Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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