All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
