Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
