he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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