Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
