"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
