No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
