There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
