This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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