I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
