his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
