Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
