so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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