if you like me you must not know who I am
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
