a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
