Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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