saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
