Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
