Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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