Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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