We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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