Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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