I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
