is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
