is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
