I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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