I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
