I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
