You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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