so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
