Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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