He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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