I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
