So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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