But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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