covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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