come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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