i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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