i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
