Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
