my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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