Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
