dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
