Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
