a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
