he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
