You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
