how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
