i jhust puked up my retainher.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
