I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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