He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
